Porkchop Sandwiches explained:
Giving Back
In an effort to provide a tangible piece of appreciation to the musicians that inspire me the most, I have begun my own movement to create something crafty for my most favorite MC's and DJ's. While I've accomplished a few other projects, this is the first one I have documented. I made this for Pigeon John. I'm pretty sure he liked it.
Where did this beaver come from?
Maybe you already know that I carry around a little black book of quotes. Maybe you don't. These quotations are tidbits overheard in my daily life. I hear a good quote and I write it down. Should you decide to adopt this practice for yourself, please share it with me. The great part about this is that I am not going to share the context in which it was said with you. You must use your imagination. And should you come up with something savory, I ask you again to share. And without further ado, the first quote goes as such:
"Where did this beaver come from? Why is it here?" - E
Hahah! Beaver.
w to the t to the f?
A girl came into the library and handed me this note. "Here's the addresses of the closest post offices and their phone numbers. You can find more in the phone book." This was completely unprompted. Apparently she never speaks or makes eye contact with anyone. And she's been going in there for years.
WEIRD.
Yes, please.
I especially enjoyed the use of colorful language such as, "hijo-de-la-gran-puta." Dang! Even I was a little bit scandalized.. Which says a lot.
A couple of wtfs
1. There is a girl at the gym that wears flip-flops to work out. wtf?
2. Today I spent about $12 on SFRB and M&M's. Almond M&M's mf'ers!
Check it.
I read that The Grouch likes this video and so do I..
p.s. This lonely loner frees her mind at night..
Tonight: Like CMA, baby...
Tonight..
So.. those of you that know me, or know us.. (cause there really is no me anymore) will totally get this conversation/scenario.. It went something like this:
E: i think I'm gonna cut my hair before you leave.
me: Uhhh.. turns out we're leaving earlier than I thought.. Like, 8:30.
E: (disgusted look, like, wtf??) then, "You don't even make enough to pay for your outings.."
me: BIG CHEESE SMILE!
E: "you party more hours than you work.."
me: (with continued smile and a HAHAHA!) But we get free drinks!!!!
E: Evil eye.
me: "but here's the problem, I don't know what to wear.."
E: "F you!"- spelled Pho(k) you!
me & E: hahahahahha!
OK.. I get it.. I really do wish I worked more. This isn't my fault..
BUT! Like CMA baby, I am Grouchy and Lucky!!! I need not explain the Grouchy part, but I AM Lucky cause if you remember, a while back I asked for a friend. And guess what!?!? Ask and you shall receive! I have a new friend. She's hot and without penis! (but taken.. sorry, boys!).
We went out tonight and had a fantastic time.
But mostly I am Lucky cause I have E. So, thank you E. YOU are FANTASTIC!
Mama treats.
One of the funnest things about being Mama is making treats.
Half of this is filled with lemonade. Those are for e. The other two are filled with cafe! Those are for MAMA!!!
YAY!
DAMN!... (+relationships).
Ok... so maybe i went out tonight for a little bit. MAYBE, even though it's none of your business, I had a few drinks. Perhaps I started with vodka and cranberry juice. Just like that. And perhaps one person there mentioned he was having Stoli. Then someone else said something about Patron and Sprite. WHAT?!?!?!
I'd never heard of such a thing (mixing Patron)... BUT DAMN!! YES, Please! And so maybe I had a couple, or a few. Whatever (as was the title of the picture book I read for story time today). It was FANTASTIC (my new favorite word)!
There are so many things I want to share..
But I shall begin with relationships.
As of late I have been thinking a great deal about relationships. I happened to (this morning) read but the shortest portion of Neald Donald Walsch's Conversations with God. I started this book many moons ago, and resonate with its word pretty much wholeheartedly (but have yet to finish the piece). Anyway, a passage I happened to open the book to read:
Most people enter relationships with an eye toward what they can get
out of them, rather than what they can put into them. The purpose of a
relationship is to see what part of yourself you'd like to see "show up"...
out of them, rather than what they can put into them. The purpose of a
relationship is to see what part of yourself you'd like to see "show up"...
DAMN.. This really gets me. The whole "see what part of yourself you'd like to see show up" jargon.. I believe. So I have decided to put this idea into practice. As of today..
Ass Attack!
I spent my formative teenage years dancing and drinking in Juarez, Mexico. J-Town mfs. If you really know me, you already knew this. And if you didn't already know this, now you do! Anyway, I like to think that everything happens for a reason - like Master Oogway says on Kung Fu Panda, "there are no accidents." So I've always wondered what the purpose was of me spending so many nights totally obliterated, freakishly dancing with (for the most part) total strangers. Well, the other night I was enlightened. It's so that I could not only participate in, but actually compete in the Ass Attack! The Ass Attack is when you're dancing somewhere - preferably a place where the dance floor doesn't really exist, but is created when people simply can't stand just sitting around any longer - and you feel a booty grinding up on yours. Yep... that's the Ass Attack. You turn around and can't really figure out whodunnit and if you can, you're not sure if it was accidental or not, so you just keep on. But I'm here to tell you it definitely was not accidental. It's a new way to enjoy dancing. It gives a person purpose.
So next time you're dancing somewhere and you feel an ass rubbing up on yours, it's probably mine.. or my friend N's. And, just so you know, when you turn back around, we're probably gonna hump you from behind.
Wanted..
WANTED:
A best friend. To hang out with.
To drink tea and sunbathe together.
Must like dope beats and live in close proximity.
To drink tea and sunbathe together.
Must like dope beats and live in close proximity.
**The ideal candidate will not have a penis.
Resolution MFs!!!
so i've had my gym membership for about a year and a half. and in this time i've NEVER had trouble finding an open treadmill or anything else. there has always been ample room. so much room, in fact, that i've always had a choice as to which treadmill to use. because i'm the type of person that likes the furthest one from where most of the traffic is. but come this january the place is ALWAYS F'ING FULL! and i know it's because of all the resolution mofos. it gets on my freaking nerves.
but i guess it's also a blessing in disguise. because today i climbed stairs for half an hour instead of jogging. which is good, since you're supposed to switch it up, right? it also forces me to practice being mindful and cultivating peace in my heart. cause i have to literally stop myself from thinking such atrocious thoughts as, "you're fat and you'll always be fat. get the f'k off my treadmill, bitch..."
so, thank you resolution mfs! i sincerely hope you reach your goals.
Starting a blog?!?!?!
Even as I compose this I can't believe I am starting a blog. I've actually considered it often because I enjoy writing, but always opted against it as I couldn't get beyond, "Who Cares?" Well, I guess if you're reading this you do. Or perhaps you just have some free time on your hands... whatever the case, thanks for reading.
So I shall begin by laying a foundation, of sorts. Letting you know some things about me. If you know me well, you know that I am often bitchy. Ok. If I'm being super bitchy and mean and rude, know that I'm just fired up. I don't actually mean it. But it's what puts the mf in lgmf. I will probably wallow and sulk about it later and beg you for forgiveness.
I was supposed to start this blog by bitching about two of my friends becoming friends on facebook, but.... maybe later? I'm too lazy to rehash it. Cause really, Who Cares?
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