Ass Attack!

I spent my formative teenage years dancing and drinking in Juarez, Mexico. J-Town mfs. If you really know me, you already knew this. And if you didn't already know this, now you do! Anyway, I like to think that everything happens for a reason - like Master Oogway says on Kung Fu Panda, "there are no accidents." So I've always wondered what the purpose was of me spending so many nights totally obliterated, freakishly dancing with (for the most part) total strangers. Well, the other night I was enlightened. It's so that I could not only participate in, but actually compete in the Ass Attack! The Ass Attack is when you're dancing somewhere - preferably a place where the dance floor doesn't really exist, but is created when people simply can't stand just sitting around any longer - and you feel a booty grinding up on yours. Yep... that's the Ass Attack. You turn around and can't really figure out whodunnit and if you can, you're not sure if it was accidental or not, so you just keep on. But I'm here to tell you it definitely was not accidental. It's a new way to enjoy dancing. It gives a person purpose.

So next time you're dancing somewhere and you feel an ass rubbing up on yours, it's probably mine.. or my friend N's. And, just so you know, when you turn back around, we're probably gonna hump you from behind.

Wanted..

WANTED:

A best friend. To hang out with.
To drink tea and sunbathe together.
Must like dope beats and live in close proximity.

**The ideal candidate will not have a penis.

Resolution MFs!!!

so i've had my gym membership for about a year and a half. and in this time i've NEVER had trouble finding an open treadmill or anything else. there has always been ample room. so much room, in fact, that i've always had a choice as to which treadmill to use. because i'm the type of person that likes the furthest one from where most of the traffic is. but come this january the place is ALWAYS F'ING FULL! and i know it's because of all the resolution mofos. it gets on my freaking nerves.

but i guess it's also a blessing in disguise. because today i climbed stairs for half an hour instead of jogging. which is good, since you're supposed to switch it up, right? it also forces me to practice being mindful and cultivating peace in my heart. cause i have to literally stop myself from thinking such atrocious thoughts as, "you're fat and you'll always be fat. get the f'k off my treadmill, bitch..."

so, thank you resolution mfs! i sincerely hope you reach your goals.

Starting a blog?!?!?!

Even as I compose this I can't believe I am starting a blog. I've actually considered it often because I enjoy writing, but always opted against it as I couldn't get beyond, "Who Cares?" Well, I guess if you're reading this you do. Or perhaps you just have some free time on your hands... whatever the case, thanks for reading.

So I shall begin by laying a foundation, of sorts. Letting you know some things about me. If you know me well, you know that I am often bitchy. Ok. If I'm being super bitchy and mean and rude, know that I'm just fired up. I don't actually mean it. But it's what puts the mf in lgmf. I will probably wallow and sulk about it later and beg you for forgiveness.

I was supposed to start this blog by bitching about two of my friends becoming friends on facebook, but.... maybe later? I'm too lazy to rehash it. Cause really, Who Cares?