Ass Attack!

I spent my formative teenage years dancing and drinking in Juarez, Mexico. J-Town mfs. If you really know me, you already knew this. And if you didn't already know this, now you do! Anyway, I like to think that everything happens for a reason - like Master Oogway says on Kung Fu Panda, "there are no accidents." So I've always wondered what the purpose was of me spending so many nights totally obliterated, freakishly dancing with (for the most part) total strangers. Well, the other night I was enlightened. It's so that I could not only participate in, but actually compete in the Ass Attack! The Ass Attack is when you're dancing somewhere - preferably a place where the dance floor doesn't really exist, but is created when people simply can't stand just sitting around any longer - and you feel a booty grinding up on yours. Yep... that's the Ass Attack. You turn around and can't really figure out whodunnit and if you can, you're not sure if it was accidental or not, so you just keep on. But I'm here to tell you it definitely was not accidental. It's a new way to enjoy dancing. It gives a person purpose.

So next time you're dancing somewhere and you feel an ass rubbing up on yours, it's probably mine.. or my friend N's. And, just so you know, when you turn back around, we're probably gonna hump you from behind.